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Her Story | Behind the Blog

· Motherhood

I wanted to take some space to share more about myself and why I started the Sleepy Dust blog! I value good relationships and being open and vulnerable (when the time is right) with your story helps to create those deeper connections.

I grew up around athletics and participated in a handful of sports in high school. Soccer was the only one that stuck throughout all four years, we were in a competitive league and I sucked most of the time. All I had going for me was the energy and speed. Towards the end of high school (2008) my dad and I got into Crossfit and shortly after I started playing around with Olympic Weightlifting. Weightlifting was a breathe of fresh air, it required a lot of confidence and tenacity something that I needed to practice more of in life in general as I was finding myself. I started to compete locally where my first meet was held at a shopping plaza stage and the late Tommy Kono was hosting the competition. I put the sport on hold to go to college in Washington and studied acupuncture and Chinese Medicine.

2016 with my masters in one hand and a ticket back home to Honolulu in the other, I set out to open my own solo practice. Because athletics is such a big part of me, I gravitated towards specializing in sports medicine. It was a way to connect me to the community that helped shape me. I started to juggle growing my own business and the journey of competitively competing in weightlifting. It demanded a lot of time away from family functions and at times my practice. I struggled a lot with my why and it’s worth. After two years and adjustments I finally let go and moved with the flow of my growing practice and progress in training (I finished 2019 squeezing into the top 50 national rankings for my weight class). I decided to own my choices and live in the present moments versus agonizing over the alternative. It just seemed like I was asking a silly question with an obvious answer. Things can always change anyway.

And it did. A year later Travis and I were expecting our first child. This is where I went through a lot of changes. Like for many, the first trimester was a challenging one. Most days my body was nice enough to wait until the end of the work day to hit me with nausea and like clockwork I had to be in bed by 8pm or else I’d feel like crap. Other days I would have a patient, gag in the sink from nausea, and go back in to continue to finish the treatment. Repeat.

My energy was lacking and I had no desire to workout like I had enjoyed. This was the beginning of learning I can’t always be in control of my body and it was really frustrating, some days more than others because of well, the hormones. The second and third trimester were a lot easier (except for the part where I got diagnosed with gestational diabetes) and I gained back more energy and started to workout more consistently then up until the day before my water broke.

My sweet baby girl arrived on September 26, 2019. The first night at the hospital was true bliss, I’m not the one that pulled all nighters during school (I love my sleep, it could be a hobby) and this was the longest I had been up with interrupted sleep, but I loved it. The first few weeks continued to be blissful, I was on cloud nine.

Then the the fatigue and lack of sleep was getting tiresome. That mixed with the feeling of being overwhelmed with challenges of:

  • colic
  • clinginess
  • resisting naps
  • resisting the crib
  • short tiny cat naps
  • being told I need to get out of the house
  • feeling nothing more than a milk vending machine
  • bedtime routine fits
  • eczema
  • closing my practice indefinitely
  • Covid-19

... can a sista catch a break here?

The lack of control was driving me mad. Honestly, I was struggling mentally more than I had lead on. I hit a low point during the third or fourth month in, Trav started to see it and he was concerned. I felt depressed and useless because I didn’t fully understand what Emma needed and it was shameful to me. I was frustrated with being frustrated of a baby who depended on me. I wanted to hide in the darkest cave I could find with my baby and be left alone. I cried sporadically on random days, mostly late at night as my nipples were being ravaged to pieces. Trav made a point to carve out time for me so that I could have some time to myself and move with the bar again. I started documenting my challenges and how it ended up on the bright side to maybe one day share with other mama’s who might be struggling right beside me. This was the beginning of the Sleepy Dust Club.

Emma always had a challenging time realizing how good naps and sleep were, the girl needed all the sleepy dust she could get. I wanted to create a space for anyone and everyone to feel that they are not alone and that it’s okay to have un-instagrammable moments in their motherhood or parenthood. Along with documenting some of my struggles I wanted to share my other passion of Chinese Medicine. Closing my practice to be a a full time stay at home mom was not an easy decision, but one I don’t regret. Sleepy Dust has allowed me to continue sharing health and wellness with others and be more creative with it’s presentation that I didn’t have the time before.

Today I am in a much better place where I have learned and still learning to accept what I can't control. When I look back, everything that has happened has come in good timing and for that I am grateful for the transitions. Motherhood is ever-changing and it's important to remember what makes you happy and add that into your daily routine. Being able to move with the bar again has reminded me that flexibility (figuratively speaking) is key in practicing confidence and tenacity. Be flexible in where you are in you journey, give grace, and the ability to face challenges becomes a bit easier. Wherever you are reading this from, thank you for stopping by! I hope we can inspire each other to share our stories of any kind and spread love (not germs) during this interesting time.

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