It was 3 months into motherhood and I lost myself. I felt that my only identity was now a mother. No longer a business owner, a health practitioner, or an athlete. The things that used to proudly define myself. I felt so far from who I was to what I was presently, just, Emma’s mom.
But when I hold her in my arms sound asleep (I love this time) and so sweet, becoming a mother is a level up in life. I needed a perspective change. The title, “mother,” is in bold and on top of the list of things I have become along my way to motherhood. I’ll never lose the experiences of who I was in each phase of my life as it has prepared me to be the kind of mother I will be.
While I was still in practice I struggled a lot with the thought of how long I would be away on maternity leave. Then the belly kept growing and I grew fatigued. I looked forward to having some time to nurture myself and my baby.
Emma arrived and I fell in love, hard. My self designated maternity leave was coming to an end and I decided to close the practice indefinitely to be with her during these formative precious years. The timing was right with the weird state our world is currently in and it felt right, but a few tears were still shed. It was a great practice, it was hard work, but it was happiness.
So here we are, motherhood.
I’m a Capricorn. I like routines. I find value in working and thrive by keeping busy with anything (baby wearing is my life)— baking, failing at sewing masks, picking up dog poo, writing a blog, laundry; what do you have for me, I got it. We (Capricorns) are ambitious. my mind is kept cluttered with a list of goals/tasks to accomplish and don't forget hard headed too. I’ve become skilled (like many superhero mamas) in the art of multitasking with one hand and foot, because there’s no stopping me.
There are moments where I still battle with being a SAHM vs a working mom. At the end of the tug-of-war, it doesn’t matter what I do; as long as it truly gives me life, purpose, and happiness. Emma is that. My daughter will see that I chose to do things out of passion and when you’re happy, life is lived to its fullest. At the same time I am not opposed to opportunities to work. There is no hard label of being a [badass] SAHM or [proud] working mom.
I am fortunate that I am able to stay home with Emma. To watch her learn something new everyday and be there for when she needs me the most. While the future is unknown, motherhood has taught me that the present is the most precious. Today, I am a stay at home mom and not just any mom, Emma’s badass mom.